His Face...

Imagine God looking at you, with a singular facial expression. What expression would it be?

Constable J Walls Badge No. 39080

Last night, I found myself scared shitless thinking that a police officer was about to literally rip my head off. I pulled out of the Eureka Pub in Salisbury after Poker. I noticed that there was a police car with it's flashing lights blocking the exit. Out of frustration and annoyance, I raised my hands and said "what the hell is going on here?". I then had no choice but to make an illegal turn to get around the police car. In my head I thought that the officer could have parked his car before the exit because he was blocking it. 10 metres forward would have been a lot safer. So then 30 seconds later I saw a police car flashing the lights, so I got into the left lane thinking that there is an emergency. I was that 'emergency'. I pulled into a near by car park, turned off my car off, wound down my window and waited for the cop to come over. As soon as he was at my window he yelled in my face, "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE RAISING YOUR HANDS TO A POLICE CAR THAT HAS IT'S EMERGENCY LIGHTS ON?" That was just the beginning. He went on like this for about a minute until I asked if I could explain what I raised my hands. His response, "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHY YOU RAISED YOUR HANDS, YOUR OPINION DOESN'T MATTER TO ME!" He the asked me to turn my car on put my foot on the break. I asked why and he said, "You wanted my attention, well now I'm going to give you my full attention." At that stage another police officer circled us in which Constable J Walls immediately calmed his tone of voice down. I knew the other officer was a higher rank and that Constable J Walls knew he was in the wrong. I asked him in a loud voice why his tone changed when he saw the other police car circle us. He responded that he didn't even see the other police car even though it was metres away form us the whole time. He the made a list of defections on my car. It is frustrating that my car will be defected in 72 until I fix it, but it is not acceptable to be under verbal abuse or being treated like shit by Constable J Walls. When I drove off, a huge wave of shock filled my body and I began to feel traumatised by the whole incident. We have a legal worker at the youth centre that I work at and I'm planning ask for him in making a complaint. I want to get the recording so I can hopefully bring it forth to a Judge and prove that I was on the suffering end of Constable J Walls abusing his power of authority. It has been 24 hours since it happened and I am still feeling a state of trauma. I understand that there are some really good police officers out there, my foster brother is one of them. But it's Police officers like Constable J Walls who make so many people hate them and have no respect for them. I now know what it's like for a young person to be treated like shit my an officer. There is one thing for sure, Constable J Walls Badge No. 39080 will never be able to question why the public treat him like shit.

The Climb...

I was listening to the radio the other day when Miley Cyrus'new song The Climb was aired.

There's always going to be another mountain I'm always going to want to make it move Always going to be an uphill battle, Sometimes you going to have to lose, Ain't about how fast I get there, Ain't about what?s waiting on the other side It's the climb

In a few hours I will be heading to the gym for a session with my trainer Ray. Thursdays is our day of which we have a one on one training session and also is my weigh in day. Told will be my second weigh in and I'm not confident about it. My goal this week was to lose 2KG but like I said before, I'm not confident. Lately I seem to be putting on a far bit of pressure to lose weight and to train harder because I want to get to my goal weight of under 100KG by the end of the year. So when I heard these lyrics it go me thinking. My weigh ins are is the mountains I wish to move. I'm scared to only lose a small amount of weight because I feel as though I deserve to have a big weight lose for all the hard work I'm doing. But as the song says it's 'Ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb' I've got to accept this. Over the coming months my body and mind is going to be transformed, though it's not just about the transformation. It's a journey of discovering who I am and what drives me to continue everyday in life. When you are on a cardio machine and your whole body is telling you to stop, for some reason you continue. The climb, the workouts etc. isn't just about the weight loss. For me it is now a journey of discovering what it is that makes me go that one level higher...

I want to move there, make my life what it is there.

I'm tired. I really am. I am exhausted. Life is weird at the moment. One moment things are going awesome, the next you are questioning so much. Did I mention I'm tired? I'm also 22 on the 18th May, this coming Monday. I'm not really a birthday fan. I think of my dad on my birthday which makes me sad. I miss him. I don't like how when people find out that it's your birthday they instantly wish you happy birthday in a way that they care. I said happy birthday to so many people and yet most of them I couldn't have cared if it was their birthday. Harsh I know. I think it's because for the past few birthdays I've had, it felt as though hardly anyone cared. For my 20th birthday I invited about 20 people out for dinner to celebrate it. We sat at Cafe Primo's for an hour at this huge table and only 4 people showed up. I've never felt so embarrassed in all my life. It hurt me pretty bad. Nearly all the excuses were that they had youth group that night. Fail. I have a lecture on my birthday, it's my favourite lecture so I'm happy to spend my birthday listening to the incredible lectures I have in my life. Though I wouldn't mind finding an awesome hill lookout point that looks over Adelaide. I like look outs. They make me think about things at a much deeper state of mind. I want to move there, make my life what it is there.