Did you say it?

Isn't the world we live in such a weird cautious place? Name a place that is just like it with creatures who think the way we do? Does the animal kingdom have the same struggles as us when it comes to relationships? They say we evolved from apes, but do they go through the same mess we call 'dating'? I'm now what I believe is a serious relationship. Well that brings up another thing. Relationships. What's a serious one and what's not. I don't believe it's a relationship when you are just sleeping together, yet people will describe their relationship as 'seeing each other'. So what does that mean exactly? We all seem to have our our meanings for these words. I once dated (well I thought we were dating) who said we were casually dating. I was confused and asked what she meant. She said that it was us getting to know each other and still having the physical side of things as well. What She failed to tell me was that to her casual dating means that she was also casually dating other guys at the same time. It lasted about 2 seconds after she told me.

So back to my serious relationship, what makes it a serious relationship you ask? We started off dating (I still believe we are dating), getting to know each other etc. We weren't dating anyone else. We did kiss and hug, we weren't having sex. This frustrated me at first, but we actually had a great honest conversation about it and made us a strong couple. I guess it also set the foundations of our relationship, that communication and honest would make us work. 3 weeks into our relationship it was clear that we were head over heals for each other. Our side under the vine pergola we sat drinking a lot of wine. I looked at Katie, smiled as she smiled back and whispered to her that I was falling in love with her. She said the same in response. A month later I find myself in a tough situation.

For the first time in 7 years I found someone whom I am in love with. Yes I said, I will say it again. I am in love with Katie. Right now she is in England spending 3 weeks over Christmas and New Years with her family. It hurts not seeing her, like a deep painful heart aching hurt. Yet when she calls I can't help to smile and get excited because I am able to hear her voice. I sent her a message a week ago that said something along the lines of, "When you get back I will tell you in three simple words how I feel about you." Her response to it was that it was a sweet message. What does that mean? So now I am stuck. Do I or do I not tell her that I am in love with her. I don't want her to feel pressured by it yet at the same time don't want to say it and not have her say it back.

So do I say it? I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life. Do I say it?

This is it...

It's an incredible feeling when you realise that this is it, I know it's how I have felt the past month. I think it would be fair to say that this year I have meet a lot of pretty incredible people, well they are for a short period of time. They are the women I have been on dates with and seem to be what I'm looking for. Then for some reason the find the need to start playing games. Ask anyone that knows me and they will back me up when I say that I don't play games when it comes to my heart. Especially when you hear, "You're seriously such a great guy, but you deserve someone better then me." I've had always wanted to say, "Yeah you're right. I don't deserve such heartless person like you." I said it to a girl called Marissa this year. She didn't take it too well, but I though it was justified. So I guess you could say I gave up on meeting/finding someone. I started to question why I wasn't good enough for anyone. Though the reality is that I was too good for the women I dated this year. I don't mean to sound cocky, but I now can say that I probably was too good for them. So I guess you could say I that I threw it in. I didn't think I would meet someone. Then a woman named Katharine Denise Townsend came along.

She is in England right now and I hurts that I can't see her. We have been together for over a month now. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. We will lay in bed, I'll be watching Family Guy and out of the corner of my eye I will catch her staring at me. She doesn't glance away but continues to smile and look at my soul. It is a priceless thing to see. Truly knowing that someone isn't looking at your eyes or your physical being, but straight to the center of your soul. It is beautiful. It wouldn't surprise me if I end up with Katie, that she could be the one I marry. We are gladly falling in love with each other. In fact if I was with her forever, it wouldn't be long enough. She makes me so happy and I am looking forward to the adventures we will share in the future. This is it, she is it...