Seeing Double

Last week my PT Ray (Personal Trainer) told me that my goal was to lose 2 kilos because that would then bring my total to 10 kilos. all week I worked as hard as I possibly could. Before weigh in I went for a drive to pray. I told Jesus that I didn't want His help in changing the scales. I didn't want any miracles, I just wanted my sore and tired body to have lost the weight. I honestly felt like I deserved it. But while praying I said something that made me realize that I wouldn't lose the weight, 'If I don't lose it this week, I will lose it next week.' Instantly I felt God tell that I was going to be correct. Minutes later, I stepped upon the scales to see that I hadn't lost any weight at all. Nothing. Not even 100gms. My heart broke a little.
Ray knew I was absolutely guttered. I worked so hard, I even went for a session on Sunday! He was positive about it and led me in another painful session. It's one of the biggest challenges one will ever face when losing weight. Working so hard and getting the results that you don't want, let alone deserve. The body is weird like that. That night I got a message from a friend encouraging me to keep up the hard work. She explained that I would have put on muscle which is heavier than fat, which is why I didn't lose any weight.
During this whole transformation I've been going through, the support I have been given is incredible. I have relied on the support of my close friends because although I have lost all this weight, I look in the mirror and see the same person. It will take a while for me to see the changes just for the fact that I see myself everyday. The last week of the semester I had so many people come up to me and say how great I look. I haven't had anyone say that to me in a long time. So a massive thank you to everyone who has supported me, I am very grateful. Though I would like to single out one particular person.
I would definitely consider her one the closest and most valuable friends I have. The friendship that she has give me is truly a beautiful gift from God. She encourages me every time I see her and always tells me how proud she is of me for the hours I have put in at the gym. Last year when I told her about how I wanted to join a gym when I settled down, she instantly said how great that would be, most importantly, she instantly believed that I would lose an extreme amount of weight. Without her love, friendship, moments at Gringo's and support, this weight loss journey that I am on would be a lot tougher than it already is. You know who you are. You know that you are an amazing friend. I will forever be grateful of our friendship.
So to end this blog I shall tell you that I had a weigh in today. And as Jesus said I would, I indeed lost 2 kilos bringing my total to 10kgs. I huge milestone in my life. I am oh so happy with myself. Peace my friends...

4 years later...

About 4 years ago I was at a Catholic Charismatic conference in Bathurst called Summer School. It goes for a week and is an incredible conference. It was there that I decided to join Youth Mission Team. The same night that I decided to join YMT, a group of us went to a club/pub called 'The Fat Cow'. Seriously it was called that. While I was there I spoke to woman whom was also at the conference name Gabrielle Meli. It was love at first sight. I instantly thought this woman was incredible, her smile had me in awe. We got talking and she reveled that she was joining the Adelaide based YMT. Instantly I changed my mind from joining the team in Perth to the Adelaide team. Even though we are suppose to be single for the year and not disclose that we have feelings for a team member, I just had to be with Gaby. I finally convinced the National Manager to put me on the Adelaide team. For the first 3 months me and Gaby were best friends, we pretty much were the rebels of YMT Adelaide. I loved it because it was a connection that did draw us closer. I ended up sharing with my household and to the Adelaide Manager that I was in love with Gaby. Chris whom was also on team said that he could tell from day 1. Everything was put in place to keep me apart from Gaby without making her suspicious of my feelings. Usually in most cases if a team member tells the other team member that he/she has feelings for them, they usually get moved to another team.
I can't remember the exact date in June, but I know it was around lunch time. I just finished getting off the phone to the National Manger explaining that I can't hold it in anymore, that I had to tell her. I leaned over the balcony and saw her. "Gaby, no matter what happens I want you to not leave team this year. You are an incredible person and I'm so sorry to do this to you. But I am in love with you. And now I am going to back my bags and moved teams. I'm sorry." Gaby just loved at me in shock. She walked inside our house, asked Stu (YMT member) where a bible is, then went to the park. I walked in the lounge room where I Stu. We looked at each other in silence. I didn't have to tell him what had just happened, he then walked over to me and gave me a hug as I began to cry.
Minutes later our National manager called me and literally blasted me for doing what I did, it felt as though everyone was against me for shaking up the team so bad. My promise of remaining single and not sharing my feelings with another team member was broken. About four weeks later we fly to Sydney for mid year training. I built up a close relationship at the beginning of the year with Gaby's sister, but when she saw me she walked straight past me as if I didn't even exist. YMT is possibly the most intense year of one's life, so to add this doesn't help at all. I felt as if all of YMT was against me, I even thought of leaving. To my surprise I was allowed to stay in Adelaide. I was told I had to make a decision 'Run away from the shit you have caused or stay and be a part of the solution', I stayed. It took Gaby about 3 months to actually sit down and have a normal conversation with me. We ended up having meeting with myself, Gaby and the Adelaide manager to talk about everything. Gaby even forgave me which was very special. By telling her how I felt, I added to much stress to her life on team.
But then on the evening of 19th November, a group of us had finished indoor soccer. Gaby and I sat out side the girls house, smoking our rolled cigarettes, thinking back over the year that was, and thinking about how we would be finished on team in 3 weeks time. We laughed and smiled. I was still in love. She tilted her head and gave me one of her smiles that moved me. I looked back and said something that very few people know about, 'Gaby, will you marry me'. She smiled but was in shock. She said that it's unfair for me to ask her that while she is on team because she isn't allowed to say yes. She'd tell me at the end of year training. I knew she was going to say yes. The love of my life was about to say she wanted to marry me. At debrief we had our end of year catch up which you have with all team members. I looked at her across the park bench and smiled. She spoke first. Here it was, I'm about to become engaged, 'Andy, I have no intention to marry you and I am not in love with you. So my answer is no I do not want to marry you. I'm sorry.' I looked at her in silence. My heart broke in front of her. I got up and walked to the beach. I cried and smoked a full pack of cigarettes in about 3 hours. In 2007 we caught up and spoke about what happened. She shared with me that her feelings for me were like a roller coaster and was sorry if she led me on.
Today at about lunch time, I check my facebook and saw that Gabrielle Meli recently got engaged on 7th June 2009. I am listening to Sigur Ros, The Nothing Song. You would think that 4 years later I wouldn't be in shock, that I wouldn't miss her smile. It's hard to say goodbye to the ones whom you have loved but have moved on. I pray for all the best for Gaby, but only because I want her to be happy. Me? I'll sit here, listening to the comfort that Sigur Ros is offering...