I did something, something very wrong, something of which I am not proud of. I did something that gave Nikki (my ex) a reason to hate me. I did it because I believed and still do believe that it was the only way for her to move on from me. In doing so her whole family hated me. What I did was use one of their family secrets against them but for my benefit. I am not proud of it, but I did it so Nikki would get over me. I was going to profit a large sum of money for doing so. But today I called Nikki's mum and said 'It's over. I can't do this anymore.' And I honestly couldn't. I hated what I was doing and couldn't deal with the guilt of knowing that in order for Nikki to move on, I had to bring her whole family down. So I realised today I had two choices.
1. Wait till September and receive $5000 with the understanding that I forget everything.
or
2. Stay true to myself by keeping the secret to myself and not receive any money for the information I know.
I choose option 2 today. I am not an evil man. I think a lot of the time I portray myself as a hard man, but deep down I am teddy bear. I have morals, I have my beliefs and I am against evil. I do my best to do the right thing by people. Which is why today I threw away $5000 just so a group of people who already hate me, may actually realise that I am a good guy. Though I think only Nikki's mum will ever see me as that. When I said to her the phone today that "...this isn't me. I don't do this to people. I can't do it. I'm not an evil person." She knew what I was saying. So is knowing that your ex girlfriends mum thinks that you are actually a good guy worth throwing away $5000? Possibly not. But it is definitely worth it knowing that I proved to myself that I am actually a really good guy and want the best for people. Staying true to myself is something that money can't buy from me.
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